I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
