Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
