he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
