I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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