but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
