Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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