Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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