i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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