just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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