Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
