thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
