Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
