at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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