It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
