i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
