His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
