LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
