I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
