Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love having hate sex.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
