they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
