And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
