I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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