you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
