Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
