last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
