Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
