And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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