ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
