I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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