hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
