im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
