my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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