his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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