Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
