booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
