dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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