Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
