in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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