I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
