I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
