i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
