I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
