I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
