Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
