Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
