I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
