I hate all girls vehemently.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
