She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
