Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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