Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Small penises have feelings too.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
