Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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