oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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