i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
