I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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