how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
