I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
