Sponge bath it is.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
