??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
